I'm not ready to get old → How to manage midlife crisis
Arriving at midlife
Takeaway: A midlife crisis may be rough for some, but it’s also an opportunity to reconnect with yourself like never before. Here’s your guide on how to do just that. Today, I'm going to talk you through what a midlife crisis might be, some common challenges faced by those going through this phase, how to cope and help you with what you need to know to make it through the stress of this period in a more empowering way.
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Growing old is often a topic for jokes and, oddly enough, can serve as a connection with others around the same age. Two people can differ greatly on all areas of life (even the big ones like politics and religion) but can connect deeply when commiserating or sharing experiences and antidotes of growing older and old age.
Adulthood or “maturing” comes into the forefront of person’s life at different times. Some earlier than others. Often people tend to start seeming themselves at midlife once they enter into their 40s. For others, it’s when they hit the half century mark, 50.
Whether a crisis ensues after hitting the age which feels like midlife for you, or whether the crisis happens just by a realization from looking at oneself in the mirror, how a person manages this phase is due in large by their mindset.
“Midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear: I’m not screwing around. All of this pretending and performing—these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt—has to go ”
A fixed and negative viewpoint on growing older can cause a great amount of turmoil for people as they struggle to come to terms with the fact that they are no longer young and there is not turning back or catching up. If you're feeling overwhelmed by the challenges of aging or just feeling your in a midlife chasm, don't worry - you're not alone.
What is a Midlife Crisis?
A midlife crisis is a period of transitions marked by different signs, symptoms and challenges, physically or psychologically. It means different things to different people, which is why it can sometimes come across as just a phase soon to overcome, or it can trigger deeper depression as the thought of ones own mortality becomes more pronounced. It’s a feeling that life is half over.
Experiencing a midlife crisis may mean a major emotional and psychological shift in a person’s professional life, physical health and general state of happiness for the worse.
It’s a time when a person takes stock of their past, their life, and when they do, they may come to the realization that they're not where they want to be or feel they are not healthy enough to do the things that they still want to do.
They may feel like they've missed out on opportunities or made wrong choices, often leading to increased feelings of regret, anxiety, or depression. The crisis arrives when the realization and pressure of time hits home. Where did the time go? How much do I have left?
Sometimes a midlife crisis is prompted by a person’s physical changes.
Because as we age, our body and appearance naturally start to change. As we focus strictly on the signs of change with laser-like precision, we only see those things. (Example, greying hair, the loss of hair, the lines in the skin, lack of energy and so forth.)
In conjunction, we start to notice that we can no longer do the things we could do the degree we did when we were younger.
This shift in identity from a physical perspective can be tough to come to terms with, leading to increased feelings of loss, insecurity, and even anger.
As we reflect nostalgically at the past, this phase in life can also heighten ones sense of own mortality in the future. Especially when you start learning of other people’s passing that you once new, friends, family or acquaintances from high-school or earlier.
The midlife phase that we go through at some point, even though we will never know when that midpoint really is, may feel like the unraveling of age. However, it does not have to be a downward decline.
In fact, it’s important to see this time as period for continued maturation and growth as a person. It’s ok to be tired of the old patterns in life that no longer work or are no longer fulfilling. It’s a good thing to make changes that will lead to more fulfillment or life satisfaction because you should be tired of what no longer works in your life!
This phase in life actually signals the beginning of a new chapter, a time to get grounded and perhaps reacquainted with a new you. A transformational development that is now filled with experience, insight and wisdom.
Signs of a Midlife Crisis
You've heard of the term midlife crisis, and perhaps, since you're reading this, you may have suspicions that you could be going through one yourself or know someone who may be. Understand that while our feelings and emotions can be felt all over the place, one of the best things you can do is to look out for midlife crisis signs.
Example of several:
You feel like you're in a rut, like life is going nowhere
A midlife crises may come in the sign of you’re feeling stuck and often when you’re stuck you may possibly start to question particular life choices in a lot of detail and wonder if you made the right or wrong ones.
You might begin to look back in your past and compare your life now to what you thought it would be. This type of self-reflection on aging can lead to feelings of disappointment, regret and depression.
If you're in your 20s, 30s, or even 40s and feel like you should have your life figured out by now or you’ve fallen into a rut, you're not alone. Many people feel this when they are struggling to see that they are not where they thought they should be in life and finding that they keep looking back. (Example, I should’ve made a different decision.)
This feeling can happen at anytime. However, a midlife crisis might make it feel even more daunting when you focus on the thought that you’ve let too many years pass by without doing something to make the change.
Whether you need to change something, work to build something new, or you need to come to peace with something in your past or present, learn to love and accept yourself and align with inner peace as you go forward.
Because what matters is that you recognize the sign and understand that a midlife crisis may just mean it's time to move forward and live life differently, better. It’s a transition that is giving you pause to notice that this is your time now to make better choices for your well-being.
Experiencing a midlife crisis doesn't have to cause a psychological break-down, in fact it can actually lead to a transformation that is quite remarkable.
You feel like you're not reaching your full potential
This is a broad sign to look for, and it may be one that appears in your relationships, work, or simply the direction of your life in general. You may feel underwhelmed with what you have achieved and feel as though you should have done a whole lot more with your time. Or what once gave you a lot of energy and purpose, now feels empty and unfulfilling.
This outlook and mindset can lead to feelings of disappointment and regret and a whole host of other psychological and emotional aspects of thought that can begin to greatly impact overall happiness.
You're questioning your relationship or marital status
What if you hadn't married the partner you're with now?
What if you were meant to be with someone else?
What if you hadn't taken that opportunity?
It can be almost debilitating when you start having thoughts like this and unimaginable to even think about bringing them up with your partner.
However, these are thoughts of the past that many people have from time to time and more so during midlife transitions or when you become an empty nester or just feeling like you are now at a place later in life.
Because this time in life can invokes reflection, doubt, and uncertainty with long-term commitment continuing on into the future. Remember, this isn't your inner self telling you that your relationship is wrong or you should leave.
Reflection and addressing human development, especially together as a couple, can enhance the relationship to a new level.
Midlife can serve simply as a shift in perspective that can be used in your favor for men or women, to enrich the relationship by looking at your roles differently, re-evaluate priorities together or explore new waves of behaving among each other.
It’s a time to become better versions of yourself now that there is more wisdom, clarity and understanding of one another. Relationships endure and become more enriched when feelings and needs of satisfaction are shared and explored.
You're experiencing sings of change in your physical appearance
Perhaps one of the most common signs of entering a midlife is a change in your physical self related to aging. Signs of putting on more weight or losing more muscle tone.
You might experience signs through emotional mood swings, changes in sleep patterns are not unusual. Health issues can be more pronounced with mental clarity and restlessness settling in more and more.
Midlife Feelings
In one sense, you may feel a major urge or drive to change your life around and start working out or compete in events you have never been interested in before.
On another sense, you may have absolutely no motivation or see no point in doing those things that early on in life, once interested you. You may find that you are making excuses by saying it's "old age".
If you are now noticing evidence and symptoms and changes in your physical self (Example, changes in your eating and sleeping habits, or your health in general) it may be time to start looking at your the lifestyle choices from your past that you are still holding on to.
What was working for you before in your 20s, 30s or even 40s, may not be working as well anymore as your entering into later adulthood. Often as we change, our physical and and mental needs change as well.
Do you need to invoke major change in your life?
A not uncommon sign of a crisis is feeling a driving force that something in your life needs to change and since it may feel that time is running short, or mortality is getting closer, it can lead to the assumption that change needs to happen quickly and drastically.
If it’s in relation to health, the major lifestyle change is often a good thing. In fact, changes in healthier physical and emotional habits can improve many other areas of ones life and a midlife transitions can be a great way to hear the call to begin implementing these changes in both women and men.
It's prudent to approach change with thoughtful consideration when possible. Complications can arise if you make abrupt, unthoughtful decisions that actually harm you and those in relationships around you, emotionally, spiritually, financially or in even from a psychological stand point.
A sustainable way to overcome a midlife crisis is to pay attention to the signs early on, understand what's going on within you, and step through it all in a healthy and productive way.
Overcome the Challenges of Mental Health at Middle age
“The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life,”
Mohammed Ali
A great way to overcome a midlife crisis and to actually turn it into a time of your life that works in your favor, is to get support from someone or something that can help. To do a deep dive into your life and how you would like to move forward as a better version of yourself. It’s time time to tap into your experiences of life, your lessons-learned, your wisdom.
External support can be helpful in seeing yourself or your situation differently and can help you understand why you feel like you do while mindfully supporting your growth forward.
Because when you have a deeper understanding of what's going on, you're armed with the knowledge to help you make insightful choices and decisions about what to do next, rather than just reacting emotionally to whatever comes up.
Don't feel bad if you have done this already. (Many of us have done this in some aspect or another.) Self-improvement is actually a life-long process and should not stop when you hit a certain age.
Here is a quick guide and tips for the journey!
Focus on yourself
This period can feel exhausting. It's easy to feel overworked at work, at home, and in relationships, and burnout is not uncommon. Make sure you're spending time with yourself, doing the things you love, and resting. It can sometimes feel selfish, but it's essential if you want to be able to show up to the world as the best version of yourself. Start learning to enjoy life!
Write things down
If everything feels overwhelming, as though it's too much, take some time to actually write your thoughts down. It can be incredibly therapeutic to release and vent your ideas into a safe space, and you'll probably find you get a lot of clarity simply by organizing everything your thoughts out on paper and visually reviewing them.
Reconnect with relationships
If you’re feeling disconnected, it's easy to fall into the trap of staying isolated which becomes comfortable in an unhealthy way. Instead, this is a sign to reconnect with those you care about, from friends to family. Reach out to someone, and learn to be vulnerable if you need. It can make a world of difference to remind yourself you have a support circle that cares about you.
Stay active
One of the most profound ways to transition through midlife is to ensure physical activity is part of your lifestyle. This could be exercising, taking up social activity, taking walks. Your physical health affects your emotional health and vice versa.
Start a project
It doesn't have to be anything big or complicated that you lose interest but starting a new project, learning something new, and otherwise getting yourself outside your comfort zone can be a fantastic way to engage your mind and get into a flow state where time seems to stand still! It can renew your sense of purpose and direction and give you meaning.
Change your mindset
The crucial part of the life-growth process. It's long ingrained that a midlife crisis is a bad thing. It's in the name: crisis. However, it doesn't have to be a bad thing, but rather a sign that it's time to reconnect with yourself and how you live your life. Changing your mindset can absolutely change your life!
How to Change Your Mindset During a Midlife Crisis
Mid life doesn't have to be a crisis at all. It can an amazing awakening!
When you are able to approach this phase as a pivotal time in life to reconnect with yourself in a healthy way, you are on the path of mindset change.
Seeing this as a transition and an amazing new chance to evaluate your values and what life means to you going forward into the future.
Sure, there can be anxieties and worries related to this period, but having compassion towards yourself and growing a sense of “self-love” will move you closer acceptance and ultimately more fulfillment in this period of life.
It can start by accepting that things have changed and that you may need to make some changes in your own life course. This can temporarily add more stress among symptoms, but it's important to remember that it's never too late to make a change.
Because, if you're not happy, healthy or healing in these middle years, then it’s time now to move through life differently. If not now, then when?
If you are feeling overwhelmed, start by making small changes in your daily routine, or, if you’re ready and able, make the more drastic change, like changing your job, taking control of your health or moving to a new place to improve your environment.
No matter what you do, don't stay focused on past choices that you made that affect you today - everyone has different life experiences that lead them down different paths. The important thing is that you learn from your past to make better choices going forward.
Take the best and leave the rest!
You don’t have to go through this alone.
The term midlife crisis often times is actually midlife blues and not a midlife crisis at all. But know that if the blues aren’t addresses, it can lead to a midlife crisis. Regardless if it is the blues or a crisis, if you are finding that you are experiences the signs, it's highly beneficial to surround yourself with positive people who are going through this period in a healthy manner or have gone through it that can be mentors.
In fact, you may want to start removing yourself from being around those who bring you down; those people who are mentally draining or affect your health (emotionally and physically).
Create a support network around you that you can grow and learn from and advise you if and when you need it. This could be other adults going through the same phase, supportive family members, or any person you who is vested in your happiness.
If you’ve always been the person everyone goes to with problems and issues, remove yourself from that role and choose a personal or professional person who is right for you and can help guide, nurture or support your journey.
It can really help to get someone on your side if you don’t feel you have that on your own. Professional Coaching, counseling, and therapy can be a very positive and helpful experience that can help you through issues such as depression, anxiety, career changes, relationships or even financial challenges.
Investing in professional support may also give you insight into aspects of your life that you may not have otherwise thought about.
It’s never too early to change the course of action in life to move towards life satisfaction, improved health and increased happiness for your future.
If you’ve never done this inner work, then this time at midlife may just be the right time to do the deeper dive into doing life changes. This is what you will find in the Discovery 2.0 Midlife Upgrade program. This professional development program provides you with one-on-one support and will lead you to make the changes in your life that you need to have happiness and fulfillment among these amazing years to come.
This next chapter of your life is equally as important as the first part. Life does not wait!
My name is Jacqueline Connors and I am a Psychotherapist and Mindset Coach. I have also passed through the needle of Midlife and made some big pivots during that time that changed my life drastically, in the most amazing way. I will show and support you how!
